At Least a Hundred Times
Yay, A Politics-Free Post!
Hello, everybody! Welcome to a special milestone edition of The Storm. By Norm!
This posting marks the 100th essay I’ve written since starting this little enterprise back in January of 2023. I know one hundred postings is not really that big of a deal for many folks on Substack. Only on rare occasions do I post more than one of these a week, while some Substackers write something every day. But, this is a big deal to me. So, to acknowledge such a momentous milestone, here’s a medium-sized grouping of words about a few totally random things I’ve done at least a hundred times.
Flipped the bird while driving.
I don’t do this as much anymore, but I used to be a notorious bird flipper to other drivers. Cut me off? Get the bird. Try to squeeze in front of me? Get the bird. Drive slow in the fast lane? Get the bird. I guess I didn’t like other drivers messing things up for me as I tried to get from point A to point B. I wanted them to know that wherever I was going was much more important than wherever they were going. And, if they were driving in such a way as to impede my progress as I went about my important business, how else to let them know, other than showing them my middle finger? And, maybe lean on the horn, too. Just to get their attention, of course.
Alas, in a concession to my advanced age, my diminished physical prowess, and perhaps a long-awaited dose of maturity (yeah, right), I have cut way back on this behavior in my golden years. Maybe I have gained a modicum of wisdom over time. Admittedly, I backslide into old habits once in a while, however, I hope I am a less angry and aggressive driver now. And, simply from a practical standpoint, there are too many gun nuts out on the streets who are just itching for an excuse to start blasting. I don’t need to be triggering the trigger happy.
McDonald’s fish sandwiches.
We don’t go to McDonald’s very often. There is a McD’s about half a mile from us, but let’s face it, people rarely go there for a destination dining experience. For me, there are only three things on the menu worth eating - the little deep fried pies, the Sausage McMuffin with egg, and the fish sandwich. Oops, I mean the Filet-O-Fish Sandwich. (I don’t know why, but I feel kind of stupid calling it that.)
I bet I have eaten at least 100 of those fish sandwiches in my lifetime. If we are there after 10:30 am, that’s the only thing I ever order. Usually, I’ll get 2 fish sandwiches, small fries, a milkshake, and sometimes, a little pie. I’m nothing if not a creature of habit.
Like everything else, I think the small blocks of fish have gotten even smaller over the years. And, they cost more, of course. I really have no interest in McDonald’s burgers or chicken chunks. Give me that small block of fried fish any day.
Change a car tire.
I don’t actually know how many car tires I have changed throughout my life. I did a lot of that as a young lad when I unofficially worked in my uncle’s gas station/car repair shop. I wasn’t mechanically inclined, however I was able to do simple things like fix flat tires, change oil, sweep the floors, and pump gas.
The day after the first snow of the season was the worst. Everybody would rush in to have their snow tires put on, and they all had to have it done right now. I worked my ass off on those snow tire days and certainly earned my two dollars an hour.
I do not spend a lot of time thinking about tires anymore. Recently, though, I saw a commercial for AAA in which a wonderful, attractive family was all set to go on a fun-filled adventure, but unfortunately, their minivan had a flat tire. Of course, Dad was smart enough to be a AAA member, so he gave them a call and they fixed it and the vacation was saved.
However, as I watched the commercial, I remember wondering what kind of weenie dad can’t change a tire? I could never admit to my family that I was not man enough to jack up the car and put on the spare. Heck, one time, I changed a flat tire on my car when I had a broken collarbone! I used my one good arm, my feet, a jack, and a 4 way wheel wrench! I did not call fucking AAA!
I was rooting for Dad to step in and save the vacation and be a hero to his family. I wanted him to call AAA and tell them, “Don’t bother coming, I got this!” But, I guess AAA would not receive much benefit from such a commercial, would it?
How about that hair?
I’ve mentioned this before, but for some unfathomable reason when I’m watching TV with my wife, I like to make fun of any bad haircuts we see. Professional athletes seem especially . . . uh . . . creative with their hair styles. The way I start the hair commentary is “How about that hair?” I am always saying that to her. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times. At least.
I guess some hairstyles are cultural in nature. And, that’s fine. What difference does it make if I like someone’s hair or not? I’m sure there are folks who do not appreciate the sometimes birdnestian nature of my hair. But, so what? It is possible to like and respect a person without liking the person’s hair. It’s just hair, you know. Speaking of which: https://thestormbynorm.substack.com/p/its-just-hair
Do I have some kind of psychological hair hangup? No, I don’t think so. Does tearing down someone who is on the TV and quite possibly is rich and famous, help me feel better about myself? Well . . .
100 essays.
When I started The Storm. By Norm, I didn’t know if I had ten essays in me, let alone a hundred. And, I wondered if anyone would actually read them. Now, here we are, almost two years later, and I’ve posted a hundred works of word art. Pretty darn amazing.
By subscriber count, The Storm. By Norm is tiny compared to most other Substacks. However, I do not measure success by the number of subscribers I have or the number of likes I get. Don’t get me wrong, I do pay attention to those numbers, however, success for me is meeting my own standard of quality for everything I post. For sure, my standard is mine and mine alone, and is most likely different from everyone else’s. But, when I like something well enough to post, I know I have already succeeded, no matter what the numbers say.
Do I have a hundred more of these essays rattling around in my head? Or am I getting closer to cleaning out all the closets in my brain and finally calming The Storm? At the moment, the answer is an unknowable mystery.
To my way too cool subscribers, please help me grow my publication by sharing my posts with family and friends, or on your social media accounts. Thank you for your support.
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