Religion and Me

What a Long Strange Trip It’s Been

“Faith is belief in the absence of evidence.” - Dr Carl Sagan.

When I was four years old, my mother tried to teach me how to pray. We had bunk beds in the back end of our trailer, and I recall being in the top bunk and my mother giving me a quick explanation of God. She showed me how to clasp my hands together to pray, and said that before I went to sleep each night, I should say a prayer to God so I could get into Heaven.

I remember being confused, like, there was a big important guy up in the sky, who saw everything we did, but we couldn’t see him? And Heaven is up there, too? I just wasn’t getting it, and I don’t know if my mother thought I was being deliberately obtuse or what, but she gave up and never mentioned praying again.

My family was not very religious, at least not in the church-going, saying grace before a meal, sense. My mother could not be described as “pious”, but she was a believer, as evidenced by the prayer lesson. I do not remember my father ever saying anything about believing in God, not counting his frequent use of the phrase “God damn it”. (Which was said as one word, “Goddamnit”.) My dad was not the only one blaspheming, though. All the adults I knew said “Goddamnit” and “Jesus Christ”, regularly. Somehow, I learned they were swearing, and I was not allowed to do that. So, as a young child, despite my mother’s efforts, I came to believe that “God” and “Jesus Christ” were swear words.

I caught on to the clasping of hands in prayer very quickly. I had difficulty understanding the purpose, though.

On the first day of first grade, the teacher led us in a prayer at lunchtime. (Wow, that again?) I only pretended to say it because, being a good boy and all, I did not want to say the swear words. (Maybe I swear so much as an adult, because I was so repressed as a child. H’mm . . .)

Before the school year was over, prayer was outlawed in the public schools. The teacher then told us to bow our heads in silent meditation, which, okay, I wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, but at least I did not have to pretend to use those bad words.

The Pledge of Allegiance was a problem, too, because of the “one nation, under God” thing. I would kind of mumble over that part. I was too young to understand how certain words had different meanings, depending on how they were used. I just knew I was not supposed to swear. So, I didn’t.

My two brothers and I were baptized in a Methodist church when I was about 12 years old, and they were 8 and almost 1. By then, I had grasped the concept of God and Jesus and Heaven and the Holy Bible and all of that. However, I was still unsure how I felt about it. I had no idea why all of a sudden, we had to get baptized. As I mentioned, we were not regular churchgoers, and I do not remember any big discussion about the importance of being baptized. I assume it came from my mother not wanting us to be heathens, and I would guess that my father just went along with it. So, technically, I’m a Methodist. In my case, though, the whole baptism thing seemed like a waste of time.

I think this is the church where my brothers and I were baptized. It’s still standing, by the grace of God, some would say.

I remember going to what was called “Bible School” in the summers of my preadolescence. There was a very religious lady who lived in the area, and for two weeks each summer, she made it her mission to bring the Lord to the children who lived nearby. She would pick up a bunch of us in the early evening and take us to a church, where we did Bible stuff for a few hours, then she took us home.

After a few summers of this, I decided Bible School was a pain in the ass, so one year, I refused to go. I was surprised when it was my father who insisted I go with the lady. I think he got so worked up over it, not because he believed I would burn in Hell for blowing off God, but because he thought I had agreed to go and I was going back on my word. Also, I’m sure he was highly annoyed that he had to be the one to tell her. I didn’t think I had said I wanted to go to Bible School that year, but who knows? Maybe I did. In any event, I refused to go that summer, and when the lady came by to pick me up, I hid outside until she left. My father was . . . uh . . . pissed. I can’t recall the specifics, but I’m sure I was disciplined appropriately.

As I aged into my teen years, I started wondering, if religion was such a powerful, important thing in which to believe and have in one’s life, why couldn’t I find the logic in it? I felt as if I could not make it make sense.

I had many of the questions every other skeptic has had. Who created God? Why would a loving God allow so much suffering in the world? Even if there is a God, why do we have to worship him? Why are there so many beautiful, fancy churches, while there are poor people who have no food or shelter? Where’s the proof of a supreme being? Whose religion is the correct one? If God is so almighty and powerful, why doesn’t he destroy the Devil and all evil in the world? Is there something wrong with me? If so, then isn’t it God’s fault, because he made me what I am?

At some point, I learned the word “agnostic”, and I thought, “Well, okay, maybe that’s what I am. Maybe there is a supreme being out there somewhere, maybe there isn’t, but humans will never be able to know for sure.” I kind of shied away from labeling myself an atheist, because in that era, we were taught that our nation’s enemies, the Communists, were atheists, and I didn’t want to be a dirty Commie. However, agnostic didn’t seem quite right, either.

Whatever my beliefs are and whatever labeling I use, it does not imply any disrespect to any of the religious folks throughout the world. Everyone has the right to believe whatever they want. A person’s religious beliefs are almost always none of my business.

I say “almost always” because it becomes my business, and everyone else’s, when religious fanatics try to shove their beliefs down the throats of everybody else. For example, the state of Louisiana wants the Ten Commandments posted in every classroom in the state. I would guess the people pushing for this also believe that America is a “Christian” nation, founded by Christians for Christians, and that this whole “separation of church and state” thing is simply a misinterpretation of what the Founders intended. All of which is untrue. Look it up. No mention of Christianity or God in the Constitution. Because the Founders specifically wanted church and state to be separate.

And in Oklahoma, the school superintendent for the state wants the Bible to be taught in Oklahoma’s public schools. Why do these religious zealots hate the Constitution of the United States so much?

I would imagine being an Oklahoma teacher is challenging enough, working in a state ranked 49th in education, without having to incorporate Bible studies into the curriculum. And, anyway, isn’t teaching the Bible the job of the church? Jesus Christ. (That was swearing, I was not referring to the son of God.) It’ll be an interesting day in Oklahoma classrooms when the teachers have to explain the part in the Old Testament about King David’s daughter, Tamar, getting raped by her half-brother.

In my opinion, Christian nationalism is a movement to be feared and fought against. Religious freedom was one of the core principles in the creation of this nation, not state-supported Christianity or any other religion. Supposedly, all are welcome in America. Even non-believers.

This is why a wall of separation between church and state is so important. People should be free to practice their religions as they see fit, but it is wrong to support a particular religion with taxpayer money, which comes from all of us. (Except the super wealthy, who are too rich to pay taxes like common folk.) Posters of the Ten Commandments in classrooms, and Bible classes in public schools, force Christian religious doctrine on those who might have different beliefs. And, that’s not right.

If we’re building a wall, let’s start with the one between church and state.

Public schools and government buildings should be free of religious dogma. Cover your walls at home or your church with posters of the Ten Commandments, study the Bible and say all the prayers you want, privately or in your preferred house of worship. God will hear them wherever you are, because he is all-powerful and all-knowing. So I’ve heard, anyway.

I am not anti-religion. If faith in God makes your life better, then go for it. All I am suggesting is to live and let live. You do your thing, let me do mine. Shouldn’t be too much to ask.

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