Singles and Doubles Vol 6

For the Final Time (in 2023)

Dec 16, 2023

1^st INNING

We sold our old Corvette. We thought it would be fun to fix up and drive around, but it was, well, a financial disaster. We reached the point where we just wanted to get out from under the burden of having it.

Selling a vehicle privately is a particular form of torture. The process is akin to death by a thousand cuts. Especially for those trying to be open and honest about the vehicle’s flaws. Our goal was to be fair and not cheat anyone. We did not want to cheat ourselves, either, of course. Lowballers want to pay as little as possible, and that’s okay, but there’s no reason to be insulting about it. The process seemed needlessly unpleasant, but we got a deal done, finally.

The decision to buy a classic car was naive and poorly thought out, so that’s on me. However, that’s all miles behind us on the highway of life now.

My advice to anyone considering buying a classic car to fix up and have fun driving around? Don’t do it. Save yourself from being financially and emotionally tortured. If you need a hobby, take up gardening or learn how to play chess or something.

2^nd INNING

I’m not sure if the little voice in my head lies to me or is simply incompetent. The advice it gives me stinks. Oh, it’s not always wrong. But, it is wrong often enough for me to be very careful about listening to it.

If a decision has to be made, I can sometimes become mentally paralyzed. Do I believe the voice and act accordingly, or do I ignore the voice because it has been unreliable and has screwed me over in the past?

There have been times I wound up doing nothing because I convinced myself that whatever I chose to do was going to be wrong. Thanks to the little voice in my head. Stupid little voice.

**Dang, I hate typos. This should say FUCK OFF, not F*** OFF. Sorry.**

3^rd INNING

Song of the Week: Scalpel, by Alice In Chains, from their 2013 album The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here. This is an excellent piece of music written by Jerry Cantrell, Sean Kinney, and Mike Inez. I especially like the acoustic guitar intro, and the plaintive lead vocals by the underrated William DuVall.

Like a lot of good rock songs, Scalpel is open to interpretation by the listener. I believe this song is meant to encourage us to cut away the facade we present to people and be who we really are. (I, for one, will not be following that advice.)

Or it could be, as many songs are, just a collection of words and sounds that seem good together. Either way, I think Scalpel is one of the best songs Alice In Chains has done.

4^th INNING

The most recent World Series concluded with the Texas Rangers defeating the Arizona Diamondbacks four games to one. I was not rooting for the Rangers, but good for them. It was the first World Series win in franchise history.

There was some talk during the Series that the Texas-Arizona matchup was less than ideal. Neither team won their division, each had to advance through the Wild Card round of the playoffs, while the top winners during the regular season - the mighty Braves (104 wins), the powerful Dodgers (100 wins), and the surprising Orioles (101 wins), all lost their first playoff series to supposedly lesser teams.

This led some people to call for the MLB playoff system to be revamped because the best teams didn’t make it to the World Series.

To this I say, “Stop whining.” Regular season wins are great, but once the playoffs start, every team’s win total resets to zero. I would suggest to great regular season teams such as the Braves, Dodgers, and Orioles: You’re so great? Then play better. Great teams overcome any and all obstacles in the postseason. If you can’t beat teams like the Rangers and Diamondbacks in a short playoff, too bad for you. You don’t deserve to be in the World Series.

5^th INNING

Our tortoise, Lily, is currently hibernating. Actually, that is not true - she is brumating. It is easier to say hibernating because nobody knows what “brumating” means. Brumation is similar to hibernation, but for reptiles. There are a few differences, but basically that’s it.

Anyway, Lily is nestled in her palatial tortoise home for the winter, not to be seen until maybe April. We miss her very much while she is brumating. Granted, she is not very lively or affectionate when she is out and about. Still, she is quite charismatic, making it difficult to take your eyes off of her. She just has that “it” factor, I guess.

6^th INNING

I haven’t had an alcoholic beverage in 13 years. That is not a brag, and I am not looking for a pat on the back. I am simply stating a fact. I was not an alcoholic, I was only an occasional drinker. I haven’t been even a little tipsy for decades. So, why did I quit?

The truth of it is - I don’t know for sure. I have given several reasons for not drinking, but, honestly, I guess I just did not want to drink alcohol anymore. I realized I did not enjoy being bleary-eyed and loose-tongued. I wanted to stop pissing my money away, so I quit.

And now, I have an ongoing streak of 13 years without a drink and I would be disappointed in myself to lose that. Even though the occasional glass of wine might do me some good, I’ll opt in favor of keeping my no alcohol streak alive.

7^th INNING

I am a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Have been for pretty much all my life. A few years ago, I learned that I could listen to the local Pittsburgh radio broadcast of their games online. We get some of the games on TV where I live, but the radio broadcasts allow me to experience the Steelers whether or not they’re on TV.

One of the announcers is a former Steeler lineman, Craig Wolfley, and he likes to use unique words and phrases. For example, if a player administers an especially hard hit to an opponent, Wolfley may exclaim, “He put a smackeration on him!” A player flagged for holding might cause Wolfley to say, “Oh man, they caught him committing Habeas Grabbus!” Of a particularly smooth play, Wolf may excitedly declare, “That was slicker than snot on a doorknob!” A player who slips on the field would be said to have lost “gription”. Another Wolfism for a violent hit is “slobberknocker.” Craig Wolfley is quite colorful, to say the least.

I do not know if Wolf invented all of these unique phrases himself. The Steelers have had other colorful characters in the broadcast booth over the years. Perhaps he picked up a few from them. Wherever his unique vocabulary came from, Wolfley uses it now to great effect.

To me, the funniest thing is that my wife likes these broadcasts. I did not think she would enjoy anyone who talked about “snot on a doorknob” or “slobberknockers”, but she gets a real kick out of the Wolfman.

**Craig Wolfley explaining the football term “Habeas Grabbus.”**

8^th INNING

Not to seem un-American, but why does the national anthem have to be played before every sporting event? What is the connection? I do not understand the point of this custom. I guess I could see the relevance on special days, like the Fourth of July or Memorial Day or Veterans Day. But, before a random, somewhat meaningless game between Pittsburgh and Miami? What’s the anthem got to do with it?

And, by the way, speaking of the anthem - to those who perform the anthem in public, just do the song as written. The Star Spangled Banner does not need to be “interpreted” or “embellished”. Just sing the freaking song without any extra interpretations or embellishments, okay? Unless you can do the anthem like this: