Two Come Together to Form One
An Engagement Story
I never thought I was the marrying kind. I did not have a lot of experience observing happy marriages while growing up. Truth is, at a young age, I began to see marriage as an ultimately unpleasant thing destined to end in acrimony and unhappiness.
As an adult, I had opportunities to put my childhood observations behind me and pursue that giant next step of commitment, but I always had reasons to hold back. This is the baggage I was carrying when I met the woman who would eventually become my wife.
I wrote of meeting her in A Library Love Story. I was discussing that story with a loyal subscriber, who inquired about how we finally became engaged. I told her that she would have to wait until I wrote about it. So, to that loyal subscriber (you know who you are), and anyone else who wondered, here is the engagement story I share with my lovely wife.
We had been dating going on 8 years. Our relationship was not perfect, but it was pretty good. We had a solid foundation of love and commitment. Communication was, and has always been, our biggest problem. Basically, we didn’t know how. Which led to issues, unsurprisingly.
But, as I said, we were doing pretty well. And I thought, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Why mess up a good thing by getting married? Honestly, I have no idea why she hung on with me for as long as she did. I guess she saw something in me worth waiting for, I don’t know what it was, though.
We experienced a big turning point when I moved into her house. I began to see that despite my reservations and our communication issues, we enjoyed being together.
I knew I did not want to be stuck in an unhappy marriage. I thought if I was to ever marry, everything would have to be perfect. There was no grand epiphany, but eventually it dawned on me that perfection never happens for anyone. And, I had this person in my life who was willing to accept me as I was. Because she wanted to be with me.
I knew then what I wanted to do.
We were going on a trip to Pennsylvania in July to visit my family, and sometime on that trip, I was going to ask her to marry me. A couple of weeks before we left, I went to the mall and bought a heart-shaped engagement ring. It was about a zillionth of a karat, but I knew she would not care about that.
I wanted our engagement to happen in a memorable place. We had made a plan with some of my family members to see a Pirates game at PNC Park in Pittsburgh. I told my family that my girlfriend and I wanted to walk around downtown Pittsburgh before the game, so we would meet them at the ballpark. I told my girlfriend that I wanted to go to Pittsburgh early so that we could walk down to Point State Park. That is where the Allegheny and Monongahela Rivers come together to form the Ohio River. There is a nice park there with a big fountain right at the point. And, little did she know, I thought it would be a cool place to propose.
So, the plan was in place. When that fateful Sunday arrived, I was quietly excited, while being my normal calm, stoic self on the outside. My wife told me later that on our special day, she felt terrible. She woke up that morning feeling nauseous, dizzy, and generally crummy. Of course, I was clueless to this. I guess I had a vague awareness that maybe she was a little out of sorts, but I had a plan to carry out.
In the car on the way to the ballpark, my mind was racing. The magnitude of what was about to happen was almost overwhelming. But it felt right, though. Meanwhile, my future wife was just kind of along for the ride. She told me afterward that all she could think about in the car was that maybe they had a first aid station at the ballpark where she could lie down and possibly get something to alleviate her symptoms.
When we arrived at PNC Park, I suggested we walk to the Point. She agreed, thinking that perhaps the fresh air would be helpful. It is not a far walk from the ballpark to the Point. PNC Park is right next to the Allegheny River and to get to Point State Park, you walk across the Roberto Clemente Bridge, then walk along the Allegheny to where it meets the Monongahela. Not far at all.
We got to the fountain and stopped for a moment to enjoy the spectacular skyline and the flowing rivers, then we sat on the small steps that circle the fountain. There was no one else around, it seemed that we had the park to ourselves. I began talking about how this is a special place, and I swear that what I said next was not planned, it fortuitously popped into my head in the moment. I said, “This is a special place because it is where two come together to form one,” referencing how two rivers come together to form another one, just as I hoped we were about to do. Then I took her hand and casually pivoted to face her. I knelt on the step below where she was sitting and said, “Will you marry me?”
I could tell she was surprised by the way her hands flew up to her face, covering her nose and mouth. I paused, giving her a moment to process what had just had happened. Then, not hearing what I had been expecting to hear, I said, “Okay Dear, this is it,” as if to acknowledge that we were right in the middle of a huge moment in our lives. I reached around to my back pocket for the ring and showed it to her. She nodded her head and said, in a shaky voice, “Yes,” and in her telling, she quickly grabbed the ring from my hand.
My wife says that she was in complete and total shock for several hours afterward. She had resigned herself to us never getting married, and she had come to terms with that. It is probably safe to say that her mind was blown next to the fountain at Point State Park in Pittsburgh, PA.
But, we had a game to get to, and a family to meet. We walked back to PNC Park, and, given what had just happened a few minutes before, I had worked up a powerful appetite. There was a Primanti Brothers sandwich place near our seats, so I got the quintessential Pittsburgh sandwich that has everything piled on it: fries, slaw, meat - everything, and carried it up to our seats.
The family was already there and we greeted everyone and sat down. There were 8 or 10 of us and I wound up sitting apart from my new fiancée. I began to stuff my face with the giant Primanti Brothers sandwich, thinking we had plenty of time to break the joyful news. After a minute, I see one of my sisters, sitting a few seats to my right, lean forward and look at me with wide eyes and a surprised expression. I knew the beans had been spilled. Of course, everyone was very happy for us.
What a day! We became engaged to be married. Had a great lunch. And, the Pirates won 4-1! It was a good day. A very good day.
So very sweet.